"Just The Right Camp"
"Adapted from "It's a Boy!"
By Michael Thompson, Ph.D. and Teresa Barker
"Choosing the right camp for your child means knowing your child; it also means knowing yourself. It raises questions about how to define what the "right" camp is. Is it a camp that is good for your child, in the sense of improving him or her, or is it a camp your child loves? Well, it should be both, don't you think? Is that possible to find? Here is the story of one father's psychological journey to finding the right camp for his child.
When my son, Will, was twelve, I believed that it was time for him to go to a sleep-over camp. Looking at my gentle and rather "soft" son on the edge of adolescence, I had a classic father's reaction. I thought he ought to be more independent, that he needed to get away from his mother's overprotective hovering, and he could benefit from more outdoor activities so that he could get stronger. Also, he needed to get away from his video games and his laptop computer for a month. (Well, he didn't think he did, but I sure thought so!)
Why was I so sure that camp was the answer? I'm not sure, but I felt it very strongly. Perhaps I should also confess that when I was thirteen, and a city boy (raised in New York), my mother declared that I was both lazy and obnoxious--she said I was in the "back-talk" stage---and that I should be sent away to camp. So I was sent to an all-boys canoeing camp, which I absolutely loved. It was one of the great experiences of my life. I returned home physically stronger and more confident than I had been two months earlier (and probably still as obnoxious.)
Naturally, I hoped that a camp experience would be the same for my son. I recognized that he was not quite as athletic and outgoing as I had been at the comparable age (and not nearly as contrary), so I chose a camp for him that had many of the same elements as mine had had: all-boys, campfires, canoeing and kayaking, waterfront activities, etc. but which also had the things my son adored which I was never good at: arts, woodworking and dramatics. Somewhat unsure of whether I had chosen the right camp for him, I took him to visit it at the end of the summer a year before he was to attend. He had a great time playing Ultimate Frisbee with a bunch of boys and counselors. He said he liked it. So off he went.
He attended the all-boys' camp for two years, and I was very proud of him for doing it. He attempted things he had never done before and he took risks, including kayaking and performing in skits in front of the entire camp. He received an art prize at the end of the second season. However, it was unmistakably clear that he wasn't really comfortable there. He didn't love it. As kind as the camp staff were, as friendly as the other boys had been, the camp wasn't really a fit for him. When I went to pick him on the last day of the second year of camp, here was my son, Will, looking stronger, more confident, and more challenging than he had ever been. He looked me in the eye and delivered the news: "Dad," he said, 'I don't want to come back here. This is your kind of camp, not mine. I'm not like you."
Ouch! That hurt. I had sent him to the type of camp that had been so good for me at that age, and though he had gotten some good things out of it (so I continue to believe) the experience hadn't been a wonderful for him. Because his mother and I wanted him to have a camp experience that he loved, we went back to the drawing board. This past summer we sent him to Buck's Rock Camp, a creative and performing arts camp that had ceramics, theatre, wood-working, glass-blowing, and lights, set and sound design, among other offerings He called us up at the end of the first week to report happily that he had gotten a part in "Rocky Horror Picture Show," and that he was taking a stand-up comedy seminar. On the wood lathe he produced a beautiful martial arts fighting stick, with which he is still practicing daily. He wants to go back next year for the full eight weeks.
The other day I asked Will the following question: "I know that you loved your arts camp much better than the canoe camp, but do you feel you got something out of the canoe camp experience?" "No, Dad," Will said. "I wish I'd had had those two years to go to Buck's Rock." Still casting about, I asked him whether they had had campfires at his arts camp. In an exasperated "duh" tone of voice, he proclaimed, "DA-AAD, it's not that kind of camp!"
There is a parenting lesson in here somewhere, and I'm searching for it. Did I do the wrong thing by sending him to the kind of camp I had loved? Could I have made a different decision at that time? Is it essential that a child absolutely love every camp experience? Can you predict what a thirteen-year-old will love? (I think not.) Is there some value in a son attempting to do the things his dad wants him to try, and thereby discharge some unconscious obligation to his father and better define his own identity? I hope so, because that's what happened in this family.
"Michael Thompson Ph.D is a NY Times bestselling author, psychologist and school consultant who conducts workshops across the United States on social cruelty, children's friendships, and boys' development. His books include "Raising Cain", "Speaking of Boys", "Best Friends, Worst Enemies" and many more."
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"Email from Author of The Magic Tree House - Summer 2008"
Mary Pope-Osborn
Buck's Rock played a huge part in the lives of my two nephews. In the summers they spent there, they fell in love with filmmaking, photography, guitar playing and song writing. They kept developing these interests long after camp had ended. For this reason I think of Buck's Rock as more than just a fun summer camp. I think of it as a gateway into a life filled with creative discovery.
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"Email from Parents - Summer 2008"
Robin and Sam Edelston
"I wanted to share a little background information on our family. Back in high school (more than 30 years ago), my best friend (and her sister) attended Buck's Rock for two years. It was the best camp she'd ever attended and the skills she learned at camp saw her through several careers.
A few short years ago I was surprised and happy to learn that Buck's Rock was still around. I brought my oldest daughter for a visit and we both knew it was the right place for her. So she came in 2006 where she explored painting, glass blowing, and ceramics. Then my son visited her and begged to attend, so he started last year and virtually lived with the Improvisation team, and spent some time at the computer shed. And this year my youngest daughter has joined them. I'm told she's painting and acting in a play. (I'm still waiting to hear from her -- she's having too much fun!)
It's so nice to have all my kids in one place, and at a camp where each one can explore his and her personal interests, and feel comfortable with so many like-minded people. My oldest has described it as feeling like hanging out with all our folk-music friends. For us this is a terrific endorsement.
Keep up the good work. We are very happy parents"
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"Email from Parents - Summer 2008"
Brenda Brown
"Buck's Rock perfects itself more every year! How it works its magic remains a mystery but it all starts with the care, insights and great instincts of Mickey and Laura and the Buck's Rock team who create an summer experience of fun that is attuned to each camper's emotional and creative well being.
Our daughter just finished her third summer and every year just gets better! She arrived a couple of days late but it had already been taken care of that she would be able to have an equal chance at being involved in the first stage play. She had her first lead role at Buck's Rock which she will always cherish as an amazing experience, both socially and creatively!
Over these three years she has met new campers and has made life long friendships. Buck's Rock is blessed with a unique atmosphere that fills every camper with the opportunity to be true to themselves in a safe and nurturing environment. Gabrielle has grown in confidence and social abilities as a direct result of being a Buck's Rock camper. And her words say it best...Buck's Rock ROCKS!!"
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